" was engaged to a guy ( a transguy) who had this obession with being "normal". He always had something critical to say about my appearance in relation to bio women. It was a whole lot of " normal" women do this, "normal" women do that, "normal" women don't have this or that, don't you want to be like a "normal" girl . That got old"

LOL.
Yeah, "that got old" sounds like an understatement! I could've easily quoted your whole post there, Shanee---- the whole thing was great. I totally understand.

I have to admit, there was one transwoman I dated to whom I used to say "you are such a guy!". (No wait, I think I just THOUGHT it really loudly...and said to a good friend of mine, who is also MTF trans, "argggh, she is such a GUY sometimes!"). To the actual person, at the time, I think I either said nothing, or "uhhh, well...".
LOL, but really, if you knew her, you'd say the same thing. That was just her. It's like when a pre- or non-op transwoman spends $200 on a purse and $500 on makeup, obsessively reads Vogue & talks non-stop about how well all this is helping her "pass"....and then pisses standing up and leaves the toilet seat up. (All of which my ex did).

I dated other transwomen about whom I did NOT say that (not often at least...although now that I'm thinking about this, lots of memories are coming up...there was that OTHER trannygirl who did drive a monster truck....hey, it happens. All cliches come from somewhere....).

But in all seriousness, I can completely sympathize with your frustration at being compared to non-trans women...not to mention the whole "normal" bit, which would last about four minutes with me. I'd be good for about two mentions of the word "normal" in that context, and then we'd have to talk..... .
It works both ways, if that's any consolation. Just two weeks ago I met a young, pre-transition, "pre-everything" MTF TS-identified person who was expressing some level of romantic/sexual interest in me.....then she found out , courtesy of her friends, that I'm FTM, and she started commenting about how my being "so nice" was because I 'm trans. She kept saying "Yeahhhh, now that I've talked to you awhile, I can see that you used to be a girl...you're so nice...you listen...a guy wouldn't care about that...a guy would't just sit and talk with me like this". LOL--- though she had no clue I was trans for the first two days she was around me, once her friends told her, suddenly it was like "ohhh, yeah, nowww I can see it, yeah".

I just laughed.
"A guy wouldn't just sit and talk with me like this, and listen to me"????
Er, maybe I should jump up, start a big ol redneck fight, crack a beer bottle and wave it at somebody? That more attractive to ya? How ya like me now?
;)

Every time she made one of those comments ("that's more like something a girl would do"), I laughed & said "yeah, I think it probably is", and "uh-huh, I think you're right. I DO a lot of things that are probably more 'female' than male".
If she expected me to be insulted or "fight back", she sure didn't get it. I felt like saying "yeah, so I actually had some level of training in how to talk to other people, listen, and actually pay attention to what the other person's saying.....pretty cool how that all worked out, huh? Now you want me to apologize for that and stop doing it????".

I figured out that in order for her to feel "more feminine" (again, she's young, pre-everything, and insecure about passing), she wanted someone to fall into the other end of the "masculine" spectrum, in a really exaggerated way. I understand wanting to experiment with that---- people have to do something* to find their place, for some it's trial-and-error, etc. And to her credit, she at least said outloud what she was thinking--- she could've made those judgements and kept it all to herself, pretending it wasn't bothering her.
But it was really clear that I am not the person for her to do her trial-and-error with! I'd just laugh a lot , probably get a lot "gayer" ("more feminine" in response, just to get her going), and no doubt I'd repeatedly fail to rush in at all the right times and places, to "prove my masculinity".

It was interesting feedback though. And a good gauge of how I feel about the whole thing, for my self. Also fortunate was the fact that she was pretty quiet and relatively pleasant about the whole thing (I mean she was calmly stating her opinions, not screaming , doing drama, or saying it with an especially disgusted tone of voice), so it was easy to laugh off. I just imagine her finding some "sports bar" to hang out in , as she transitions, so she can meet a big 6'5, strapping, beer-drinking, pool-shootin', bad boy who makes her feel small and delicate.
Ya gotta laugh.
;)