Hi
I am having a hard time describing my sexuality to self or anyone else.
I am a pre-op and before I started this journey my sexuality was more or less irrelevant. Now I just don’t know how to even describe this feeling or fear.
What do I do now?
My penis used to be a tool (pretty much as would a strap on) to help pleasure my partner. That really is what I considered it and most of the time how I used it. Now I feel it is such a liability. It is a reminder (probably mostly to self) that my journey is incomplete.
I am scared that if I get aroused that it will get erect (even on hormones it may happen) and I will be seen more or less as just a chick with a dick type thing a term used frequently by the porn industry.
I am not, though I am all because I wasn’t born gender true.
So I question my sexuality.
How can I have a relationship intimate or otherwise (which I would love to have) with this indecisiveness about this issue? Even talking about it to others is hard to do, because I am just not sure how to even articulate this inter conflict which has become such an emotional issue to me.
I have gone and go to munches, play parties and other social type events, but have this mental block which has precluded me from do anything more than just gabbing and avoiding just about anything that might lead to my arousal.
I so want to but am scared of myself.


I am cross posting this to some of my other tribes also because I am sure others have gone through similar trauma.

kay